I loved Richard Linklator’s 12 year project for many reasons, but don’t worry; this isn’t a movie review. But the reason I’m bringing it up here on this blog is because the film wasn’t just about Boyhood—it was also just as much about parenthood. It had quite a few valuable lessons on parenting, ones that you’d learn by actually going through 12 years yourself. But thankfully, they were beautifully condensed for you to 3 hours, so you can learn from them still. Here’s your takeaway from ‘Boyhood’:
1. Co-parenting Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult
The film features Mason and Samantha, kids of a broken marriage living with their mom and getting timely visits from dad. The parents seemed to have worked out a good system and the kids loved both of them.
But here’s where the true lesson lies: the mom and dad would never bag on each other with the kids. The mom explains to the kids that it wasn’t healthy for them to be together. And the dad leaves much to be said when he talks about mom. But they never make the kids pick sides. If you’re co-parenting, this is perhaps the most important lesson to take away from ‘Boyhood’.
2. Teach Your Kids to Support Each Other
Of course kids are going to fight among themselves when they are little, but if you can teach them to support each other where it matters, you would have done parenting right. Lots of parents think pitting the kids against each other (as a competitive edge or for comparison) is a good idea. But it is not. In the film, both parents didn’t pick their own favorites and that’s what lead Mason and Samantha to be supportive of each other, too.
3. Give Kids the Tools for Self-Discovery
As we see Mason growing up, we see him trying to figure out what he likes till he realizes he has an artistic flair. He still doesn’t know what he wants to become, but he’s got a mom and dad that guide him and encourage him. And really, that is the best you can do. It’s quite okay if your kids don’t immediately know what career path they want. But it is your duty as the parent to provide them with tools for self-discovery.
4. All the Little Moments Matter
What I absolutely loved about the concept of the film was that even though it was shot through a 12 year period, Linklator didn’t make it all about big moments. It was about the in-between moments. And it showed that the moments in between matter. Day to day parenting is perhaps makes a larger impact on your kid’s upbringing than parenting in big moments.
5. Parents Need Growing Up, too
Here’s the biggest lesson of all from the movie: parents do their fair share of growing up. You can’t be perfect parents right away. You’ll need practice, but you will always need to grow. Mason’s dad was a completely different father at the beginning of the movie. He barely had his life together. But as the film progressed, we saw him take responsibility and mature into a kind of dad that Mason looked up to. And that’s a big lesson to take away.
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